


A Poem Of Love

by xinnuh



Category: GOT7
Genre: Extra casts, F/M, Heartbreak, Light Angst, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Tuan Family, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:06:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8273995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xinnuh/pseuds/xinnuh
Summary: If I told you to write a poem of loveWhat would it be about?A poem of sad love? Happy love? Hopeless love? Mad love?A person has their own interpretation of loveA love that is unforgettable; refused to be forgotten





	

A Markjin Fiction  
_4.1k words_

* * *

 

If I told you to write a poem of love  
What would it be about?  
A poem of sad love? Happy love? Hopeless love? Mad love?  
A person has their own interpretation of love  
A love that is unforgettable; refused to be forgotten

 

He is my friend. Mark Tuan, my friend of two decades. We had a friendship that was tied even before we were born. We both are rather thankful to our parents for bringing us together.

Mark is a person who doesn't talk a lot, a person who is always enveloped with silence. I don't know how he does it but even from his silence he still could sway all the girls in our school. What is his magic? Girls are enticed by the sight of him like he was a God of Beauty. a god of pure beauty he is. With a single toothy smile, all the girls' knees would instantly grow weak. What kind of sorcery is this?

Mine and Mark's friendship is as strong as a diamond and as precious as pearl.

 

_Best friends stick together till the end_   
_They are like a straight line that will not bend_   
_They trust each other forever_   
_They can be your hero and save the day_   
_They will never leave your side, they are here to stay_   
_They help you when you fall_   
_Your true friends are the best of all_

 

Our friendship never faltered. We enjoy each other's company. Either in silence or in a deep conversation with one another. Mark is the kindest person I know, he never gets mad and is always there to listen to my problems and my complaint about my studies or my relationship with girls and boys.

Mark is famous around the university. A varsity player and a business student. He is also smart but not as smart compared to me. With different colleges, him in the College of Business while I'm in the Science department, we never miss a day without hanging out with each other, even for a few minutes.

Mark wasn't only busy with his studies and his practices, but rather he was also busy spending time with his 3 yearlong girlfriend, Jessica.

She was stunning alright. A person who is both beautiful and smart, she was studying to be a fashion designer. A dream of most girls. She was kind and yet so playful too, no wonder Mark likes her. She gives off this friendly aura which makes you friendly towards her.

Usually on their dates I would tag along since I had nothing else to do. It was an awkward yet a fun experience, like those dramas. Sometimes I wouldn't go along to their dates because sometimes I would pity myself. For what? Maybe for being single for a while now? For being always a third-wheel?

I felt jealous whenever both of them giggle with each other's jokes, hold hands or either glancing in each others way when one isn't watching. Should I start dating again? Now I feel lonelier than I should be.

We are currently at a pool party over at Mark's house in Los Angeles, a rich family I should comment. He has a large amount of family and relatives. Coming here and meeting them once again calms me and also gives me a sense of comfort.

The gang is all present. Jaebum, Jackson, Youngjae, BamBam and Yugyeom are all here. They couldn’t miss the chance to go back to LA and hang out with Mark’s family.

Jackson was basically everywhere, checking the grilled sausages once in a while, BamBam and Yugyeom playing table tennis with Mark’s other “homies”, Youngjae and Jaebum spending their time with each other leisurely while I’m observing everyone, taking care of them. Mark was over at the other edge of the pool with Jessica, I’m guessing their snapchatting since they’re basically hanging their tongue out like a dog.

I can’t help but feel a small amount of jealousy. Why can’t I date? What’s holding me back? _Who’s holding me back?_

I can hear Mark and Jessica laughing at a distance, having fun with each other’s presence. Mark sweeping off a strand of Jessica’s hair over her face, patting her forehead then kissing it.

Suddenly my hear ached, seems like something’s gripping my heart tight, refusing to pump out blood all throughout my body. Why am I suddenly feeling this pang of emotion? This tight feeling on my chest.

Mark glanced towards my direction, sensing my discomfort and my wrinkled forehead, he called me out

“Jinyoungie” and there I felt it.

 

 _When I see you_  
_My heart sinks down to my belly_  
 _My legs turn to jelly_  
 _I hear your voice and my heart melt_  
 _This is a feeling I have never felt_  
 _You are my very first thought in the morning_  
 _And my last night fall_  
 _I want to grow old with you_  
 _I know this feeling is true_  
 _What is this feeling?_

 

A feeling I have never felt before, maybe a feeling that I have never recognized before.

“Jinyoungie” there it goes again; a feeling of nervousness, a sudden speed of heartbeat.

I snapped out of my thoughts, ignoring what I feel.

“Yes, M-Mark?” shit I screwed up, hope he didn’t notice it.

“You okay? Are you not feeling well?” he called out, from the other side of the pool.

I shook my head, denying him, denying myself; denying what I feel.

He stood up. Coming closer to where I’m sitting. Please don’t. You’re making it more complicated, don’t make it confusing for me, please.

Stopping his track, squatting in front of me. How he’s softly putting his palm over my forehead. The softness of his hand made me want to hold it, to hold it tightly.

“Are you okay? Honestly? LA heat may had struck you hard”

Rolling my eyes of his stupid-ness “I’m okay, Mark. I was just.. thinking”

“Stop thinking. That’ll kill you. That’ll confuse and question yourself even more, Jinyoungie. Just enjoy the day and the food. Hmm?” he smiled, giving me his angelic, pure smile.

I nodded, telling him to entertain his bored girlfriend. He giggled and made his way back to Jessica.

There it is again, the pain that I’m feeling, the uneasy breathing and the grip of my heart getting tighter and tighter.

He was right.

This is going to kill me. I hate feeling this way. A feeling I couldn’t recognize. A feeling makes me question a question.

“Dude. I can’t help but ask you if you’re fine. Are you?” Jackson basically slid beside me.

“I’m fine. I’m not sick.” I simply said the truth.

“I’m asking you if you’re fine over there” he said, poking my chest.

**SHIT**

“What makes you think I have a problem here?” I asked him, poking my chest.

“Dude. Mark may not see what your state is right now but I can clearly see it. Not to mention the obvious stares you have been giving Mark and Jessica”

Wait? What? Was I that obvious?

Jackson being aware of my confusion he added “And yes, you were quite obvious” nodding towards the gang.

BamBam, Yugyeom, Youngjae and Jaebum saw it. They fucking saw everything. I’m screwed.

“Jinyoung. You probably still haven’t pieced them altogether and realized it but we already know from the start. I think it’s your job for your sake to realize it on your own” Jackson said, putting me on the shoulder and then left.

Realize what? Piece what altogether?

Glancing towards Mark’s direction, asking myself the question over and over.

He smiled. My heart leaped. He laughed. My heart beat rapidly. He ran his hand over his soft locks. I think I’m turning red. He licked his lips. I felt hot. He bit his lower lip. I’m losing my breathing pace.

What am I feeling?

I glanced towards his way again. LA’s sunlight beaming above him. He looked so beautiful, almost like an angel. How can someone be so beautiful exist? Am I this lucky to have such a beautiful person exist right before my own eyes? living? breathing? How could someone be so beautiful cannot be mine?

Wait. What am I thinking?

No. I can’t date my best friend. How could I think of such a thing?

What if? He was mine. It sounds impossible but sounds just right. It sounds right for me.

I would be able to hold his hands for how long. I could touch his cheeks. Kiss his forehead. Sleep together. Kiss him..

Wait. No. This sounds so wrong. I hate myself for thinking of such impossibilities.

I can’t basically be in love with him. Love?

What? Wait. No. I can’t. I couldn’t.

Wait. Do I love him? How? When?

I glanced at Jackson. He was after all observing me. I gave him a questioned look.

 I think he knows what I was thinking since he nodded and smiled, saying “If you do. What would you do?”

What would I do? Do I just accept it? That I love him?

I thought of it over and over again. Thinking was to decline the idea of falling for your best friend.

I couldn’t think of anything.

He makes me smile. A little bit of skinship makes me want to feel more. I honestly would do anything for him. Anything. He makes my day and completes it with just his smile. When the sun doesn’t shine on him, when he feels down. I would do anything to cheer him up, just to see that toothy smile I love.

Is this love than I’m feeling then?

 _Your presence makes my heart want you_  
_And my body yearns for your touch_  
 _The energy that runs through me_  
 _Makes me long for you so much_  
 _If only I could hold you_  
 _And have you next to me_  
 _Maybe this aching that I feel_  
 _Would finally set me free_  
 _I stand here waiting_  
 _Praying to finally be by your side_  
 _Oh God please help_  
 _Help me learn how to survive_

 

How can I look at him in the eyes now? Knowing that I fell in love with my best friend, he might hate me. I need to stop feeling this way until it gets worse.

How long have I been in love with my best friend? Did everyone notice it?

 Walking towards Jackson, asking him “How long?”

“Do you remember our senior’s ball?”

“Yes”

“it was during that night, I believe”

I was baffled, that was a long time ago, and we were just 16 that time. “Are you sure?”

“You were sending death glares towards Mark’s date, dude. I think jealousy was your first step of falling for Markiepooh over there” nodding towards Mark’s direction.

Mark was now over at his other homies. Teasing and laughing. I now know why I fell for him. This is insane but still I couldn’t shake it.

He looked over at my direction and smiled. I’m feeling hot, my blood is rushing towards my cheeks. I gave him a small smile and looked away. I need a moment to breathe.

“Dude, you’re red” Jackson stating the obvious.

“Geez, thanks for making me feel better” I rolled my eyes.

“Just don’t rush the feeling. And don’t deny what makes you feel is right” with Jackson’s last words of wisdom, he disappeared towards the grilled burgers.

How am I able to shake this feeling? Should I take Jackson’s advice? I just can’t keep living like this, keeping a large secret that maybe could ruin our friendship. I’m not going to ruin our friendship with my personal needs.

I wonder. I wonder how he feels about me. Maybe not about me in a romantic way but maybe in a platonic view.

“Hey Junior” a small, girly voice broke my trance of thought. I looked over at the owner’s voice. No doubt.

“Oh hey, Jessica” I replied basically confident with my basic knowledge of English greetings.

“Why are you over here? Why don’t you join the rest of the gang?”

Shaking my head, I said “Oh no thanks. I’m much more comfortable here”

“You seem to be thinking a lot today. You seem bothered by something. Care to share it with me?”

_I’m not talking about my feelings for Mark, which is apparently your boyfriend, with you_

“It’s nothing. It’s not really important”

I lied. Of course it’s really important. Much more important than my books.

“You really need to let it out. Mark is worried about you”

My ear ringed. My body tensed.

Mark? He’s worried? Why should he be worried? It’s not like he knew, right? No? Right? Shit.

“W-why is he worried?” I asked, itching for any answers.

“Because you’ve been staring blankly in space, seem like you’ve been thinking about something really important”

“It’s nothing. Promise”

“You know Mark wouldn’t easily believe you, right?”

“It’s really personal”

“Okay then. I respect you. Just don’t get Mark be more worries than he already is” she said and then stood up, walking towards her friends.

Breathing deeply. How am I going to get past this?

The pool party had come to an end, after that we all “chilled” as what they said at Mark’s living room, spending the night watching movies of action and horror.

Sitting comfortably on the sofa and on the floor while munching on junks, we were loud and excited to watch a movie we haven’t seen before.

“I regret coming here” Youngjae said, feeling anxious about the horror film we were about to watch.

“You can cling on me, its fine, I’m here” Jaebum reassured Youngjae. I bit my lip, stopping the urge to cringe by the cause of Youngjae and Jaebum’s sweet, innocent relationship.

Observing the gang, my eyes was searching for a specific blonde LA boy. He was there in between Jessica and Jackson. Thank God Jackson was with them. Wait. What?

The movie was about to start, Mark stood up and turned all the lights off, some squealed, Jackson if I should point out, Youngjae clinging on to Jaebum and both maknae sitting impatiently, waiting for the film to finally start.

The film was starting, girls clinging on to their pillows while guys are trying to act tough and manly. I was still, had a lot of things to think about or a certain someone to think about.

Can’t keep my gaze away from him.

_He can’t keep his gaze away from her._

He must’ve really loved her. The way he smiles when she gats startled. I want him to look at me the same way. A gaze full of adoration, of care, love, admiration.

Why must she have the only person I ever wanted? Should I be a martyr and wish him happiness or should I be selfish, for once, for just this time?

He loves her. I love him. She loves him.

Am I getting in the way? Am I even a threat to their relationship? He basically only see me as a friend.

Everyone jumped in their seats. This must be the moment the ghost appeared.

I glanced at him once again. I froze. He’s staring at me, looking at me with a worried expression. He mouthed, “Are you okay?”

How am I able to say that I fell for my best friend?

How am I able to say that I’m doing fine when I know myself that I’m far from okay? Nonetheless, I gave him a reassuring smile. I nodded, mouthing that I’m fine, just tired. He probably gave up trying to dig in what’s in my thoughts. He sighed and gave me a last worried glance.

He is just worried, Jinyoung. Because he is your best friend. He is your best friend, of course he is worried.

It’s platonic, Jinyoung.

I convinced myself.

We have a bond. We still are best friends.

I’d still love him. I would love and I will love him, love and love, shower him with love until it leaves me dry.

 

 _Always giving your love away will leave you drained_  
_Emotionally and physically_  
 _You can give and give and give_  
 _And someone will always take, take and take some more_  
 _You have to find people worthy of your love,_  
 _Because your love is one of a kind_  
 _Find someone who reciprocates the love you give,_  
 _Because you can only live through life being_  
 _Drained but for so long._

 

The weird thing is, he does deserve my love, and it’s the only thing I can give to him. My love. My undying love of friendship and adoration. He is worthy of my love, he is worth every beat my heart takes. I could give and give; he could take and take and I still wouldn’t complain even if I don’t receive something in return.

Seeing him right now, so calm and silent as he is, I couldn’t ask for anything more.

If life would’ve been very simple, he would love me. If I wasn’t a guy, would he love me? If I confessed to him much sooner, would he love me? If I realized my feelings way sooner, would he love me?

I’m living the life of What Ifs.

I’m living a life of dullness, a less saturated world.

If life would’ve been simple. I would hold his hand as much as I would want, I’d kiss his ethereal face until I get tired doing so, I’d smoothen down his wrinkled forehead when he feels frustrated, I’d lie awake whenever he has nightmares, just for him. I’d sing him to sleep, make love to him. I’d kiss every inch of his body, convincing him that he is beautiful. I’d kiss away his tears when he cries. If only life was simple. But it’s not.

_Don’t worry. The time will come and everything will be in its rightful place. With you here by my side._

_Don’t worry, time will find its way._

_Don’t worry! Time will bring us together someday._

_Don’t worry, Jinyoung. Time won’t make you wait for long._

The movie ended with the gang feeling relieved and glad. They all stretched and rose from their seats.

“Man! That was not scary at all” Bambam said.

“Shut up, Kunpimook! You were basically clinging on my arm the entire time” Yugyeom said.

“Well that was scary!” Jackson said this time.

How was I able to not pay attention to the movie? Was I thinking the entire movie? Was I that engrossed with my own thoughts that I didn’t pay attention to my environment?

“Yo, Jinyoung! You seemed like you weren’t scared. You’re basically one of the scaredy cats here” Jackson said, standing up making his way towards where I sat.

“Uhh” I started “It was fine” giving him a soft smile

Everyone went home except for the seven of us. Giving us hugs and “see yah laters”, they headed out Tuan residence’s house and went their home.

“You seemed to be in a daze today. What are you thinking about, Jinyoungie?”

I froze in my seat. When the hell did he seat right next to me?

“Nothing” Obviously a lie, a fucking liar you are, Jinyoung

“Nice try” Mark said, scooting closer, he continued “You need to get that out of your chest”

I can’t tell him. Our friendship might die. Our 20 years’ worth of friendship might die.

“I’ll tell you when the time comes. I need time” Lies again. I’m never going to tell him. I’m so sorry.

Giving me a soft smile, he said “Take your time, Jinyoungie. I’m always here for you. No matter what”

“Are you sure?” I couldn’t help but ask, a sense of hope I felt.

“Yeah! Definitely! Why? Is it something bad?” he asked me, wide eyes.

He was thinking of something, clearly guessing what I was thinking about.

Why am I tensed? I’m afraid. He might guess it right. What if? What will happen to me? To him? To us?

His eyes lightened, pointing his index finger towards me, he said

“Are you- “

Gulp.

“Are you a drug dealer?!”

Fuck.

Fucking childish Mark Tuan.

I rolled my eyes at him “You should be more creative than that”

He pouted. Thinking for more guesses.

Shit.

“So.. You’re secretly..”

Oh no.

“You’re secretly an FBI agent?”

Exhaling deeply, gladly relieved “Quit guessing and just give me more time” I said, flicking his forehead.

“Ow” he pouted again, hand over his forehead “Sure, Jinyoungie. Whatever is in your head you better let it out soon before it drives you crazy. I can’t afford spending my weekends over at a Mental Institute visiting a crazy friend” he joked.

“Whatever Tuan”

“I shall help mom clean the pool area” he said, standing up making his way to the backyard.

I let out a deep sigh. This is hard. Will this go on forever? I’m sick of pretending, but I can’t afford to ruin our friendship.

“Are you going to tell him? Or are you not going to tell him?” surprise. Surprise. It’s Jackson again.

I shook my head “No, I can’t. I won’t”

“Dude..”

“No. I can’t ruin our friendship because of my selfishness”

“Is that your final decision?”

“I am certain. Even if it hurts me. Even if I have to pretend and keep a large secret from him”

“And you are fine with that?”

“Of course I’m not. Nobody wants to feel trapped with their own feelings. I just chose our friendship rather than my selfishness. It’s way more important.”

“I can’t imagine what you feel right now. If you need someone to let your frustrations out, we are here, us six. Well, except for Mark though”

“Thanks, Jackson”

I wanted Mark of course. I wanted him to know what I feel and how he made me feel. But I have to restrain, I need to tell myself that there will be a time to tell him the things, all the things I kept inside my chest.

 _I wanted him in the bluntest way_  
_I wanted his lips, his hands, his arms_  
 _I wanted him the way the ocean wants the shore_  
 _Constantly reaching and running back_  
 _The way the sun wants to shine_  
 _The way words want to be read_  
 _I wanted him to infinity, to the millionth degree,_  
 _No amount of rain could douse the fire I had in me for him_

I realize how strong my feelings are for him, I realized how much more than a friend he is to me. That I love him, I didn’t know how but I just did. I just knew recently that I fell for him during our senior ball. Because of jealousy, was that it? I realized that I felt a burning passion whenever he calls me by my name. This is love. The first time I felt what love is. Because of him.

But he doesn’t love me much more than a friend, he only see me as a friend to be relied on, he doesn’t feel this burning passion when I call his name. He doesn’t love me the way I love him. He loves her. He loved a different person, who is not me.

Will I be able to endure this tragic truth?

Will I be able to overcome th pain I feel?

Things won’t be the same ever again

Things won’t remain as they were before

I couldn’t just see him as a friend

I couldn’t just see him without feeling anything

I feel pain

I feel empty

 _Today I realized that_  
_You haven’t left my heart completely,_  
 _There is still so much more of_  
_You in there,_  
 _I realized love was blind and_  
 _Not even a thousand poems_  
 _Will matter to you,_  
 _I realized I filled myself_  
 _With lies I didn’t even believe,_  
 _I filled myself with hatred,_  
 _I realized I still give a damn_  
 _About you, I still think of you_  
 _When the night settles,_  
 _And no matter how many songs_  
 _Will be written about you,_  
 _You will never look at me the way_  
 _I look at you,_  
 _And I’m sorry it took me_  
 _This long to realize_  
 _That I’m not worth your time,_  
 _No matter how many times_  
 _I see you in my eyes,_  
 _I realized we will never fit,_  
 _We don’t match, no matter_  
 _How many times I try to_  
 _Capture your attention_  
 _With my cherry lips and_  
 _Almond eyes_

I could never be yours

Why?

I could never feel your lips against mine

Why?

I could never say “I Love You”

Why?

Questions after Questions never bothered to be answered

I love you. You love her. She love you.

**_I wasn’t aware that I was chanting a poem, a poem of unrequited love._ **

****

****

****

****

****

****

_time passes._  
_that’s why, in the end, time creates_  
 _goodbyes;_  
 _and thus time will always leave_  
 _a sense of regret behind_  
 _if you love them, you have to tell them_  
 _right now._  
 _before the moments of right now, where you’re_  
 _living breathlessly turn into regrets, you need_  
 _to tell them_  
 _it could be that_  
 _the biggest present that time_  
 _leaves behind is_  
 _the memories of having_  
 _loves someone_  
 _so before it’s too late,_  
 _you need to overcome your_  
 _self-consciousness and confess_  
 _to the one you love_

**Author's Note:**

> I basically wanted this one-shot to reach at least 1.5-2k words, and I never had thought it would reach 4k words. So, apparently this is somewhat a long one-shot. comments are pretty much appreciated and loved and encouraged haha. they give me boost to write more markjin fics and plus i'm currently working on markjin chaptered fiction so please anticipate alot. lol. you can follow me on twitter (marktakas) i'm so active there (: hope you liked this one shot.


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